Fiction

The buildings were coming upon me at an alarming rate, and then I realized I had been sprinting. I stopped to catch my breath and take a look around, this was a part of town I’d never seen before. The buildings were cruel and hundreds of stories high, they stood like soldiers guarding there precious insides. I continued on slower than before taking in this place. Tall unmoving buildings, murky green subway entries that seemed to lead travelers straight to the earth’s hot smelly core, and the whimsical street lights that reminded me of Christmas despite the visible waves of heat that had been dancing up off the pavement. I passed them all as I headed west, straight to the river.
Christmas is a funny thing to think of as I stood there impatiently waiting for the light to turn and permit my crossing. I looked down and saw a flock of pigeons feasting upon the lifeless corpse of a pretzel…. Or maybe it was a hot dog who knew by this point it was it was too far gone to be recognized. I laughed to myself, how ironic I can’t identify this, and they’ll never be able to identify her. Oops, I guess I laughed aloud judging by the look of the Haitian nanny that stood next to me pushing some rich Wall Street types’ precious little spawn in a stroller that probably coasted more than I had earned last year.
Finally I made it to my destination, a deserted bench by the river, it’s next to a garbage can and the landscapers never seem to trim the grass so it’s not really a popular place to hangout, which is why it’s my favorite place in the city these days. I grabbed my cell phone and for a moment just held it in my hand, I’ve been so used to having a cell phone for so many years, would it be weird not to have one anymore, I don’t think inmates are allowed to update their twitter via blackberry these days even if Lindsay Lohan had. I dial his number and put my phone to my cheek, he answers on the first ring, probably because there is no reason for me to call him anymore. I told him that I was sorry and that I was turning myself in, he didn’t seem to know what I was talking about, figuring he was still at the office and hadn’t yet returned home I hung up and sat in silence for a few moments how do you tell your ex boyfriend that you just accidentally killed his fiancé.
I hadn’t meant to kill her of course; I just wanted to see if I had left my earrings back at the apartment that I had once shared with him. I took the one train down to what was once my usual stop walked the familiar four blocks and then up the stairs, I knew he was too stupid to ever think to have changed the locks so I got in no problem. I started looking through what were once my drawers checking the back corners and underneath the large oak piece, nothing. I turned to leave and saw her standing there, holding a knife, we began to struggle and finally though she was holding it, I somehow was controlling the knife making deep slashes across her milking white pore less face. She was crying out screaming to get out of her house, I tried to say, “I want to, I was just looking for my earrings,” but the struggle was too intense she couldn’t hear me over our grunting and gasping. Finally I had ripped the knife from her hands I wasn’t a killer I wasn’t even mad, I had just come to search for my earrings how has things escalated so much. She laid on the couch face ripped apart making chocking little noises that I assumed was crying since I could no longer see where her eyes actually were. I started to make my way to the door still holding the knife unconsciously when she lunged at me from behind startling me, and impaling her with an eight inch bread knife.

63.

Sometime I really think I am my own worst enemy. I want something so badly, it's dangling on a string in front of me, all I have to do is take a chance reach out and grab it and yet I pull my hand back and just sit waiting and watching knowing deep down that if I don't reach out soon some one else will come along and snatch it away. my second guessing and timidness are driving me nuts but I cant help but wonder maybe my subconscious isn't letting me reach because it knows I will be burned? Instead of trying I will just sit here and write about it, on a blog that no one reads...

h.

62.

On my mind.

If you can't take it with you then why bother working for it now?

why on a warm summers night do I long for a cold winters eve, because even in the frigid air I had you to warm me.

does hard work really get rewarded or do the workers just continue to be burried in work and denied praise.

when did we fall apart why does distance and time seem to work against some relationships and push others together is that the universe weeding out the harmful sources?


H.

61.

the sweet smokey scent of summer spirals around her one last time whispering a sweet but unwelcome goodbye, the parting is bittersweet like a lover leaving for war, they could return but in what condition, and when? she travels home weary and exhausted with the weight of goodbyes, why must her time end while all others are just beginning. her arrival home is not welcomed she is not greeted with welcome or even acknowledgement she is ignored unwanted even in her residence. banished above those below avoid her at all costs like a plague set upon them by genetics, she goes on existing, but not living. as the wise poet had said, parting is such sweet sorrow.

H.

60.

Thank You.

I just want to say thank you
for the things I've noticed since you've left.
no longer am I confident in myself
no longer do I allow myself the freedom to have
fun like I once had.
no longer am I the one that dances with no music
or sings out of key.
I am boring and scared of the person I was, but I miss her.
I look in a mirror and wonder where did she go?
where is the girl who didn't give a shit,
who did what she felt like doing,
never thought twice of what others thought
I can't stop that voice in my head warning me,
don't act out, don't be noticed
being notice might attract another.
I refuse to let myself attract again for fear of being broken.

So thank you for shattering who I once was and molding me
into a hidden away no one too scared to draw an eye to her

Thank you.

H.

59.

I have never really understood crying tears of joy till this moment.
I don't think people really understand the relationship between a writer
and their notebook, but for the past few nights my notebook has been missing.
Tonight I entered full on panic attack mode while on the search to find it.
I cleaned my room, car, the entire house all on the search for a two subject
five star, Teal with pink and purple flowers and of course two pockets. Finally I reached a breaking point at 3am I had to get my book back flash light in hand
mother now wide awake styled in my ratty old pajamas I headed back out to my car
and there on what felt like the millionth time checking I found my notebook,
wedge under my drivers seat stuck in the chairs mechanics as I pulled it out from
it's hiding place I checked it like a parent checks a new born child for fingers and toes; spiral not bent, pages not ripped cover still attached and tears began to flow.
I have now cried tears of joy.

H.

58.

this summer is hard.
Loneliness while surrounded by people,
I want to talk to you, to hear your voice.
summer was always our season
how do I enjoy without you by my side?

H.

57.

Just a little Venting.

1. If you don't appreciate something you have, give it up others are dying to have that
2. If you are a school, everyone deserves a chance even if they don't look like they fit your mold.
3. Summer weather is crazy
4. Don't tell a girl you're crazy for her when you're cross country and seeing some one else... it's just plain mean
5. Bragging about things just cuz ya can it's not nice.
6. If a coupon has expired, it's expired!
7. If you are unhappy with a companies policy do not yell at the part time, minimum wage earning cashier, they can not help you!

H.

56.

some summer poetry.

1.Mother's Love

Thunder crash lightning flash, awakening the earth to accept
mother's sweet nectar.
Drink. Drink children, drink it all up
grow greener, taller, stronger; take this loving gift.
Rise up and suckle partake in mother's present,
for soon she may grow violent and dry up for you.
you are unappreciative in nature.
what do you gift loving mother with?
your luscious looks, your procreation?
she does not want this, just your love, in return.

2.(untitled)
Faded shades never looked so vibrant.
your lackluster attitude screams,
I don't give a shit!
but the way your grey eyes shift tell another tale.
Lanky and fluid you pour yourself into your chair,
fifteen minuets late, but for you..
no penalty.

3.drop dance.
I watch as you slide
glide, ride, drip down the window
dance of the raindrop.

H.

55.

Why are you haunting me?
I dreamed of you again tonight, and the universe just keeps trying to
push me back into your arms, though I know they will not be open, at
least not for me. never again will I know what it's like to lie beside
you as you sleep your twitchy slumber, and never again will I wake up
with another that loves a good icarly marathon half as much as myself.
so then why universe why do you send me memories and dreams forcing me
to write the asinine poems as my only means of emission.
is it because you, universe, have plans for my self that I am yet to learn,
or are you really as cruel as others have led me to believe.

H.

54.

Like Goldie Locks I search I try to find the piece that's missing,
this one's too tall, that one too thin, this one too fat
will I ever again find one that seems just right?
for now I am surviving, just missing a piece it's not just one
though it many, a collection of pieces.
I miss so much and feel empty so often.
the weight of your arm draped round in the night, messages of
silliness just to induce a smile in a bum day,
the scent after you shower; steam, evergreen, a something that was
purely you.
I continue my search and do not lose hope that one day I will feel
whole with a new weight holding fast and a new scent to find comfort in.

H.

53.

Another semester comes to a close and I am one step away from
a piece of paper claiming that the information shoved
at me in the past 5 years is worth X amount of dollars.
thinking about this though.... I honestly feel like If I didn't
NEED that piece of paper to be able to get a job that I would
have skipped college all together. For the most part I have
known what I wanted to do in life since I was 14 and these
past years, I haven't even done any work towards that goal,
so really what was the point? I have always wanted to write,
and I have always written, and yet five years of college
and my writing has not changed, I still have no idea how to
write pieces that are grammatically correct (though many prof. have tried to help and for that and I am truly thankful). I have been so busy studying
for exams on war stricken countries, angles of triangles, and how many bones are in the Human body, that I never get to work on my writing. In ten years will I really need to know how to use the so and so's triangle to figure out how many ways the smith's can have 6 boys and 4 girls? Will I need to name all the bones in the human hand? I just want to write! I am looking forward to this summer, I hope to actually make a dent in a story that I have attempted to start on numerous occasions. I fear I will never succeed in getting this idea on paper(or rather, screen), since graduation is looming in December and from there I'm sure a mindless job to pay the bills, and I'm scared, scared that never will I meet my goal of wanting to be a writer, because something else will always be in the way of me and my words.

H.

52.

No more poetry, (at least for a little while), but blogging has become somewhat therapeutic for me so I am going to try my hardest to continue even if it is just a short post like tonight.

After two of three amazing performances of SATA we decided to have a scavenger hunt
around campus. It's funny how things like this can bring you closer to people you would never think you had a connection to. I am so filled with love for my cast, this is most likely my last time on a stage and I feel so overwhelmed each time I step onto the stage, and even more so when the scene I wrote is on stage. Having yourself and your work out on display like that is such an adrenalin rush I will truly miss it in years to come, as will I miss the relationship you create with cast members, I mean you have to be pretty close to be sharing a dressing room slightly larger than the average closet with 28 other people. Tomorrow, or rather tonight, as it is currently 5am here is closing night and I think I will actually be drastically affected by the close of this show. Normally the cast is made up of people I already consider friends, but this year there are so many new faces with so many stories to share I just can't imagine leaving this environment. OK, maybe this wasn't such a short post after all I just have so much floating around in my mind and I am happy to have a place to share it even if it is only being shared with myself in the future when I come back to read these blogs again.
Good night Thespis, god of the theaters, please grace us with your blessing on our closing night and provide us with an audience to laugh, cry and clap along.

H.

51.

Napowrimo post 30.


A month filled with words, line breaks and meter
adventure and lessons learned while drinking
way too much coffee.
I will miss you Napowrimo
you have annoyed and overjoyed me,
you have taught me things about myself
I will never forget and
gave me a month chronicled in interweb space
to display my mind through lyrical verse.
thank you napowrimo, for all you have done.

And I think I shall return again, to this space
after years pass, and look at who I was
what I wrote, what I said and who I became
and for this I am truly grateful.

H.

50.

For Any willy P students reading this, Tonight is opening night
of Pioneer Players 11th Annual Students and the Arts.
The Show is at 8pm tonight and tomorrow and 3pm sunday
admission is free, so please come support your fellow students
and classmates!

H.

49.

napowrimo post 29.

Center stage spotlight warmth floating from the
over sized bulbs. Struggling to keep eyes open,
missing this moment is just not an option,
the first few notes, a chord a key change take a
deep breath and ready here goes.

Blinded with fear but also by light, thank god for the
light for now they have no faces. Sing you can do it
you have no more chances, who can say when again you
will be caught in the limelight.

H.

48.

napowrimo post 28.

I can not write a poem tonight,
the words are just not flowing.
My mind is blank, my fingers are tired,
and whatever I write just doesn't sound right.

End of the semester, creative juices are
drying up.
How many more finals weeks can a person endure.

So here I am typing sipping coffee black with sugar,
hoping I can produce something able to rest under
the title, of a Poem.

Oh wait, I did it.

H.

47.

NAPOWRIMO post 27.

COLD!
finger and toes like little ice cubes,
Mother nature, this is one cruel joke.
my calendar reads three days shy of May
my thermometer reads February.
Some April showers, sure maybe, but
frost covered car windows absolutely not!

H.

46.

Fiction #2 for Work shopping on 4/28.

*moving the text from word to the blog removed all the spacing, paragraphs and things like that. I also marked in the text 4 pages worth so feel free to just print that part other wise it's about 9 pages.


Missed Connections
Katie rolled over covering her eyes with a pillow as the sun shone across her face, why had she decided to put her bed under the window anyways. Downstairs she could hear the dog barking, most likely at someone walking outside. She opened one eye to look at her alarm clock, 10:20 am, class started at 10. She got out of bed with as much energy as she could muster grabbed the first pair of jeans she could find and her favorite old tee shirt, the one with the coffee stain on the left sleeve, slipping her feet into a pair of flip flops as she gathered her hair into a pony tail why do I always manage to sleep through my alarm she wondered.
She ran down the two flights of stairs to the kitchen hoping there was something she could eat while she drove. She looked through the cabinets and found nothing, “guess coffee will have to do” she said to the empty room. She reached up to grab a travel cup and then her eyes fell on the black and silver coffee maker…. Empty not a drop had been left for her, “thanks mom and dad” she sighed angrily. She grabbed her keys and headed out the door.
Key in the ignition her phone beeps, “class started, where are you?” it was Eddie, the nerdy freshmen that always sat next to her in class. Her phone beeped again, “Hope you’re coming, I saved you a seat” wow, this kid just doesn’t know when to give up.
“Please don’t tell me you’re texting Katie,” Chris looked over to see his roommate furiously typing out some undoubtedly grammatically correct text to his crush. “Ed man I told you, she’s never going to like you, especially if you keep annoying her like this.”
“I’m just letting her know that I’ve saved her a seat, and besides how can you say that, she gave me her number didn’t she?”
“Yeah, so you could text her the answers to last week’s test, trust me man, a girl like that could never like a guy like you.”
“Whatever” Eddie dropped his phone into his bag and took out an extra sheet of paper, now copying two sets of notes.
“Please do not take notes for this girl! You’re wasting your time,”
“Just leave me alone ok, we can’t all be Mr. Cool like you Chris.”
Chris sat back in his chair, yeah, cool like him. Too bad he wasn’t cool at least not to Steph, the one person on this campus he would do anything to have notice him. Before transferring here Chris was just like Eddie, a nerd, he spent his weekends playing video games and writing fan fiction for whatever sci-fi trend was hot at that time. He wore jeans from K mart and tee shirts with video game characters on them, and he wasn’t wearing them ironically. When he transferred he decided to remake himself, become a cool guy one that went to parties and drank beer and maybe even talked to girls, however when he moved in he was met with a replica of himself only a foot shorter and with curly blonde hair, Eddie. They got along fine as roommates, but Eddie was constantly bringing Chris down, yelling at him not to forget their video game marathons in crowded hall ways or following him to parties, Eddie was like a permanent cock block and Chris couldn’t get rid of, and he just didn’t have the heart to be mean to Eddie.
Chris looked two seats over to where Steph sat, her brown hair had purple streaks in it, last week it had been green. She was into art and bands that no one cared about until they were overly famous, which then of course caused her to hate them. She smoked cigarettes and wore clothes that always looked slept in. She was always going to concerts and meeting crazy musicians, last week Chris had managed to talk to her for a few minutes after class, it was sheer bliss she had even offered him a cigarette and when he refused she simply said, “That’s cool.” It was great until Eddie had showed up and dragged Chris away saying that he shouldn’t hang around people that smoke, “second hand smoke can still cause cancer blah blah blah.”
Steph looked up from her ratty notebook and saw Chris staring at her; he didn’t look away fast enough, great now she thinks I’m a creep, maybe if I wave at her? Great, I waved and she looked away I’ll never get her now.
Steph sat in her desk furiously scribbling away trying to piece together her weekend. Her mom warned her that living like this would lead to destruction, why do mothers always have to be right. The flow chart she was creating in bright green ink was making her sick, concert Friday night, coke in the bathroom with that chick from that band…. Or was she with the bartender…. Then onto the bus to interview the drummer from that band, what was there name again?….then a bottle of tequillia and…. Black out.
Saturday morning she had woken up at her sisters, who didn’t look all too pleased to have her 19 year old sibling passed out on her couch sleeping off a hangover. Then Saturday night, she remembered playing pool with some guys she had met that afternoon in the city, they went to a BYOB place and she could remember drinking something that had made her insides burn and then waking up in bed with the guy with the green shoes, Chad? Chaz? Chuck? Fuck, if only she could remember what had happened.
Steph turned to stare out the window and saw Chris staring at her, why did she have to be so messed up, why she couldn’t be a nice girl and date a nice guy like Chris. Too bad he would never want her, not with a past filled with weekends like this and Monday mornings spent trying to figure out if she’d need to get tested again or not. Just then the door slammed open and Katie walked in and sat down.
Eddie had saved her a seat and it was perfect, right behind Paul, so close she could smell the faint scent of hair gel and laundry detergent. “Thanks” she mouthed to Eddie before opening her bag and digging out her notebook. She opened it to a new page,
“Here, I started taking notes for you” Eddie handed her a sheet filled with his shitty chicken scratch.
“Uh thanks, you didn’t have to.” Eddie sheepishly shrugged his shoulders in reply, whatever, that kid was so weird sometimes. Now, back to Paul. Katie looked at her notes from the class before she had started sketching his chiseled features in the margin. She stared at the image imagining what it would be like to kiss those perfectly pouted lips that now sat above one of the three holes on her notebook paper. She heard a cough and looked back up to the front of the room and almost screamed; Paul was turned in his desk, staring straight at her.
If I just turn around and ask that late girl if she has a pencil would it be really weird? I mean why did I wait a half hour since the start of class to ask someone for a pencil, ugh but I really want to turn around and see Chris. Ok, just say that you’re pen ran out of ink! That’s totally understandable.
Paul turned around to see Katie staring at a face drawn in her notebook, it almost looked like him, he cleared his throat to get her attention, while using this time to stare at the boy two seats down,
“Uhm, do you have an extra pen, mine ran out of ink.”
Katie almost died; Paul was actually talking to her! She grabbed her bag and started riffling through it, please please let there be an extra pen somewhere,
“Here, I have an extra pen,” Chris said reaching across Eddie towards Paul, now it was Paul’s turn to swoon, he couldn’t believe that Chris was actually talking to him, let alone lending him a pen.
“Uh wow. Thanks,” wow thanks? What’s wrong with you Paul thought as he turned back around, the guy you’ve been obsessing over for the past two weeks lends you a pen and all you can say is wow thanks!

(That's 4 pages so feel free to just print that.)


I can’t believe I’m even obsessing over some one, I haven’t even told anyone I’m gay yet and here I am fantasizing over a guy that just lent me a pencil, what’s wrong with me. But he does have the most amazing green eyes, I need to talk to him again I always see him with that kid that sits next to him. I don’t even know if Chris is gay I mean he could be… but then again anyone could be, he’s just so gorgeous I have to talk to him.
Maybe I could write a note to give to him after class, or maybe forget to give him back the pen and then have to run into him later, or stop by his room tonight….
Chris looked back over to where Steph was sitting she looked like she was working really hard on something, I wonder If she’d have coffee with me or something, I mean we did talk last week , maybe I should write her a note….
“Hey, Katie I’m glad you made it to class what happened?”
“I over slept….” Katie didn’t mean to be short with Eddie it’s just that how could she be expected to keep up a conversation with him when Paul had just spoken directly to her!
“Class is dismissed, and Miss Gellar, don’t think I didn’t notice you slip in late…” Professor Tuttle was saying at the front of the room, all around people were packing up and trying to race one another to the door Chris felt a hand on his arm,
“Hey, thanks for the pen,”
“Sure no problem,” He took the pen and raced out the door hoping to catch Steph.
“Katie since we got out of class early would you want to come to my room to see my newest video game, the graphics is so advanced it’s like you’re in the game,”
“Uh no thanks Eddie,” Katie mumbled as she ran out the door trying to catch Paul. As she rounded the corner out of the classroom however her wish was granted, she ran smack into Paul’s back.
“Uh sorry, hey since we got out of class early and all would you maybe want to get a smoothie or something?”
“Huh oh uh no.” Paul was trying to watch Chris talk to that weird girl that always had different colored streaks in her hair, was he asking her out?
“…So uh yeah since we got out go class early I was wondering if maybe I could uhm get you uh a cup of coffee or something,” Was Chris actually asking her out, Steph was so happy she could cry, this can’t really be happening.
“Hey Chris, what are we going to do now,” Eddie appeared at Chris’ side as always totally killing any chance he could have ever had with Steph now.
“I don’t know Eddie...”
“Hey, why don’t you join us, Chris was going to buy me a cup of coffee, weren’t you?” did Steph really want to spend time with him and his dorky roommate Chris reached down and pinched his leg, he had to be dreaming.
Paul followed Chris to the little coffee shop off campus, he was pretty sure that he was on a date with that girl, but his roommate was there, the nerdy kid from class as he was walking he heard a voice from a few feet behind,
“Hey, Paul right?” it was the girl that had asked him to get a smoothie… Katie?
“Yeah, Katie right, hey, listen sorry I forgot I had some free time want to get a cup of coffee?” Paul asked using Katie as a cover to spy on Chris.
Katie was too shocked to actually speak; Paul had just asked her on a date! She wanted to spin in circles and scream
“Yeah sure, coffee would be cool” she responded trying to keep her emotions in check.
Steph, Chris and Eddie walked to the coffee shop in an awkward silence, well semi silence, Chris and Steph were silent, Eddie was going on about some video game or TV show or something Steph wasn’t really listening all that mattered was that Chris was voluntarily spending time with her!
The bells on top of the door chimed as they walked in the tiny coffee shop, it was packed but there was a table free in the back, “I’ll go save that table, I like iced coffee with lots of sugar,” she said to Chris trying her hardest to keep her cool. The bells chimed again as Paul and Katie walked in a few seconds behind them. Steph sat at the large table and thought to herself that this was odd, since of course it was kind of clear, at least to her that Paul was not interested in girls.
“Katie, you made it,” Eddie practically shouted in her direction,
“Uh yeah,”
“You should sit with us, what do you think Chris”
“Uh why not, that table seems big enough,”
“ Oh well thanks, but see I’m here with Paul,”
“So you can both sit with us, there aren’t any other tables anyway,” Chris wanted to smack his roommate couldn’t he see this girl was clearly on a date with this guy.
Paul wanted to squeal like a girl, his plan was working out much better than he thought; he was actually being invited to sit with Chris!
They ordered their drinks and made their way back to the table, where they sat in silence. None of them really knew one another at all. Eddie was firing questions rapidly at the collected group, things about television and movies and news stories, no one was really interested in what he was laying on the table; however under the table was a whole ‘nother story. Katie rested her foot against what she assumed was Paul’s loafer wearing foot, while in reality he was searching out Chris’s sneaker clad foot. Steph had rested her hand on Chris’s Knee.
Eddie was gesturing wildly when he knocked over a cup of coffee causing Steph to jump up from the table. While she was in the girl’s room trying to get Hot chocolate out of her shirt Chris noticed that the same foot was still resting against his. He looked under the table and saw Paul’s foot next to his own.
“Uh dude, I think you got the wrong the wrong foot.” Katie looked under the table and noticed that she had been resting her foot against the table leg, and indeed Paul and Chris had been in an intense game of footsie while they had all sat in awkward silence.
“I’m sorry it’s just that… I just thought that you…I thought you knew it was my foot.”
“Uhm what, listen, why would I be interested in playing footsie with a guy…” The last part of Chris’ sentence dragged on as a blush crept to Paul’s face. Paul was so embarrassed he wanted to die. Katie was in shock, if Paul was gay why had he asked her out to coffee?
Paul grabbed his stuff and trying to stay cool exited the coffee house, there was no way he could stay there now. The first time he actually tried to hang out with Chris, and it blows up in his face, of course Chris was straight, he never gave any hints that he wasn’t I was just so desperate for him to be available for me.
Steph returned to the table still blotting at her clothes,
“Where did that Paul kid go?”
“uh he had to leave,” Chris said trying to keep the poor guys dignity somewhat intact. As they returned to their weird excuse for conversation Katie noticed a very aggressive foot practically attacking her own. She acted like she was reaching for her purse and looked under the table, it was Eddie,of course it was him.
“Look Eddie, you’re a nice guy and all, but I’m really not interested in you, and it’s getting a little creepy with all your texts and saving me seats and taking notes for me, I’m sorry but just can you please knock it off.” Katie looked at the blonde haired boy, he looked as if he was about to cry at any second.
“But, you gave me your phone number…”
“So you could text me answers,”
“You sit next to me…”
“No, YOU sit next to ME”
“You came here! After I invited you you came and you’re sitting with me”
“Listen Eddie I only came here to be with Paul, clearly that didn’t work out but you had nothing to do with me coming here I’m sorry.” Eddie gathered his things and ran from coffee shop not trying to keep his cool or anything once the door slammed Katie winced. “I didn’t mean to upset him; I just can’t deal with that kind of stuff I had to set him straight.”
“Yeah, cool” Chris replied now clearly distracted.
“So steph, why the purple hair, what happened to the green?”
“Huh oh, I duno,” she was too busy to give the other girl a real answer; she couldn’t believe she was practically alone with Chris!
“Uhm, I guess I’ll leave you two alone then…” and with that Katie grabbed her stuff and headed for the door wondering how this day had gone from shitty to bizarre.
At the table Steph and Christ were finally left alone. She wanted to tell him everything about how she could never remember her weekends and how she likes to stare at him in class but nothing seemed to fit in this moment, just being here, sitting together everything was fitting together perfectly.
Chris was beyond joyous; Steph and himself were sitting alone at the coffee shop! He had no clue what to say to her he wanted to tell her that he thought he was in love with her, but he knew that that was too over the top instead he decided to try to break the ice,
“So, have you ever seen so much drama before noon?”

45.

I would like to start this post with an author's note/apology.
I have not seen my computer (nor my house) for the past day and
a half, so poem that I should have posted on 4/26 will be posted
tonight, as well as my second piece of fiction to be work shopped
in class tomorrow (4/28) I am very sorry for the late posting
of the fiction piece, and will bring copies to class myself
since I hope most of my class mates are lucky enough
to already be sleeping. with that all said, here goes a chunk
of posts.

NAPOWRIMO post 26.

The long space bar sticks, there are pink
stains where a bottle of nail polish
once spilled, the screen is dusty
and the '7' is missing. My computer
is beaten, worn, abused If I were it
I would not want to be tapped at for hours
my keys being angrily punched to the tune
of some old rock song of a past generation,
which of course is playing from it's speakers.
but my computer stays on bright and shining
letting me keep it awake till early hours of
the new day. It does not complain when I
slam down it's screen cursing and telling it
I just can't go on.
My computer just sits and patiently waits, for it
knows that soon it's vacation will come.

H.

44.

Napowrimo post 26. (4 more days to go!)

I stare at the computer screen I can almost see
my reflection staring back. I open the window
and type in your pseudonym, my hello is greeted
with a blank space, no response. That blank space
hurts worse than a silence. silence floats by
your blank space stays and mocks me, it screams
he's not here, he's to busy to stare,
at a computer screen while the sun is out shining.
I try my hardest to close the little box
with the flashing vertical line laughing with each blink.
but I am clinging to that cursor as my last life line,
before we've floated to far to return.

H.

43.

napowrimo post 25.

(apparently last night I hit save now, and not Publish since I just found this in my drafts...)

how did you travel so far from your home
you look happy here day after day
but when you speak of your trip back to your land
your eyes become clouded with memory.

you are happier I see, when you think of your place,
across oceans and continents, far away.
if you had stayed would you be queen of the land?
for here you are not even admired.

H.

42.

napowrimo post 23.


1.I smell of sweat flames
orange warm and smokey hot
fire can burn you

2.sticky sweet white pillows
the perfect mate to chocolate
rest on gram crackers

3.I can't think right now
creative juices have failed
next time real poems.

H.

41.

Napowrimo post 22.

Bitter like the grounds at the bottom of the pot.
no longer are you considered sweet or pleasant,
an aroma of anger and jealousy surrounds you.
You were not always this way,
once you were sunny and smiling with joy
but the priorities of society you force yourself to
follow have turned you grey and wearisome.

H.

40.

napowrimo post 21.

According to the clock

according to the clock an appropriate time for slumber has long past me,
I stay awake till the birds are singing their sweet morning tunes.
Their call to rise is my lullaby as I slowly drift away
from the ever rising sun.
It's a race we have almost every dawn, who will win, will I dream
before he rises, or will he rise and judge my caffeinated
dreary eyed existence.

H.

39.

Napowrimo post 20.

Hippy Girl

a flower behind one year in a shallow
attempt at being a flower child
to travel back in time is your wish,
but you wouldn't truly be happy.
wear all the peace signs you want, following
a fashion trend revisited won't make you
a new person of a past generation,
remove the blossom from your crown,
you look like a flower pot, not a flower child.

H.

38.

napowrimo post 19.

Sister

You have a name I choose not to use
though it's pretty a flows to me it's not you
though taller and leaner a matching pair we are,
you with out me would be too terrible.
Always with a joke a smile a story we two together
need no one else. To me you are Child, young
and adventurous, also a name too common for your soul.
to you I am sister of wisdom and knowledge, I miss
when you thought I knew all.
afternoons spent in the yard in the grass drink in hand
sun above, laughing. You stand undefinable yet identified
in the thirteen letters, Samantha Allie.

H.

37.

napowrimo post number 18.

How to find happiness, success and wealth all while staying true to yourself in a modern world filled with many influence that may corrupt and cause you to stray from your cause.

own your identity
be free do not allow others
to claim ownership to what you are
be it a label or a look
you are a singular sensation

H.

(The prompt was a title that is longer than the poem itself)

36.

napowrimo post 17 (a day late, no computer yesterday)

I can't stand it!

the mundane life
no money no adventure to be had
has become strife
I need to be out in the world I'm going mad

Customer after customer
coupons, price check, plastic bags that stick together with static electricity
forever a slave to the consumer
a soul engrossed with retail toxicity

always working never earning
money comes money goes, why can it never stay
trapped inside taunted with sunshine filled with that yearning
to leave this dream stomping penitentiary and be whisked away

H.

35.

napowrimo post 16.

chort jivot vozliy menya

When they arrived it was just four,
friendly, waving, chatting.
Then five, Then six, seven ten!
Loud, crude, revolting.

It became warm, we love the outdoors,
backyard patio, Puppy on a leash.
Their young ones too loved the out doors,
jumping fences, freeing the dog.

A solution was needed to remedy this quandary,
a fence, a wall, a barricade.
They built one up, It now stands seven feet tall,
white, solid, solitude.

No longer do they come to our yard,
separation, privacy.
But at night, we hear them loud and clear,
laughing, annoying.

the wall was not tall enough to keep out their voices,
Fences good neighbors does not always make.

H.

(The title is Russian, written in English letters so the translation might be a bit off It should say "The devil next door")

34.

napowrimo post 15.

As Romeo sweeps Juliet off her feet a sigh rings through the theater.

She is in love but not with a man with this building
the smell of the old house, dust and fresh ink on crisply folded paper soothes her.
As the dusty lights dim and she settles to her seat,
she impatiently awaits for the grand finale to once again be alone with this,
the hollowed home of Thespis

H.

33.

napowrimo post 14.


The tension between us sits stiff as a plank,
though not even the sharpest saw could cut
through this wall of silence that now stands
between us.

Diagonally we stand across from one another
holding our ground in this silent stand off.

I bravely sneak a glance in your direction,
aided by my over sized shades.
Even through their tint I know you sense my eyes
as they shift, drinking you in quenching a thirst
I thought I still possesed.
It wasn't thirst I had believed it was doubt,
and now I have non, you do nothing for me no.

H.

32.

Napowrimo Post 13

There was a prompt to write a "cleave" poem the bold is read as a poem the unbolded a poem, and then all together as one.


tonight's sky filled to the brim, high up above
shimmers with tiny orbs of hopes desire
positivity and negativity
glass half empty glass half full
I look above to watch it overflow
see it leaking down toward earth with all it's ideas


uhm.. not as easy a prompt as it may sound.
H.

31.

NAPOWRIMO post 12


and at a dozen I turn to prompts. the first was to write about the one that got away so to speak. the second is a draft I may expand on at submit to myself formally for napowrimo later.


Regret
I'm sorry for leaving you behind
there were just too many to choose
I never imagined leaving you would
be such a mistake. next time I see you
would you forgive me and come back to my place
all I wanted was to try something new,
I didn't know how unhappy I would be
next time Ice Mocha I will remember
you're the one for me.




when

when I grow up and get out of here I will make a change
I will go to museams and eat pretzels from the man on the corner
I will be at all the cool shows that happen after the curtain falls
I will be seen with the right people at the right time

Who decides when you have to call yourself grown up anyway
You're not grown up till you have no where left to grow to.

H.

30.

napowrimo post 11.

Sunday Sans Smile

Thank you for ruining my smile
a wake up call filled with too much sun
a car with just enough fuel for it's last mile
a bank account with no more funds

That picture made me sick
you never stop to think of others
you've made it perfectly clear which one of us you'd pick
you threw me more pain so much it smothers.


H.

29.

NAPOWRIMO post 10


Tonight was awful

never before have I felt the loss of you so much.
In a mass panic of anxiousness I wanted to call you,
to hear your voice and laugh, to listen to you say anything
but I didn't.

nights like this I would rush home and then rush again to your side,
nothing was hard to handle when I had you behind me.
As I reached for my phone swimming in a haze of memories I slam back into reality
I was falling with no net, I needed to speak to you,
but I couldn't.

the frustration built I was depressed, hysterical, in a panic
how dare you be absent when I need you most.
Then I remember it was I that enforced this silence,
pissed at myself. Once again I reached for my phone, finger hovering over the one
little button that would release the dam that collected all the silence,
all I had to do was push send
but I can't.

H.

28.

NAPOWRIMO Post Number 9.

21.

brown curly, brown straight.
grey,green,blue, brown spot.
tallish, kinda short.
dimples and freckles

the silver surface shows me
these things as I stare into
the orbs that stare back
I am begging for answers
she is offering none, for we know
all the same things

but then why does she seem to smirk
with a knowledge that I lack.

H.

27.

NAPOWRIMO post number 8 (a little late due to computers hating me)


Today after nearly a month
we almost made contact
would I have survived

for ten months plus some more
you were my constant
and now it's like we're strangers

when I found your book I was
excited, I secretly hopped you would show
that I would be forced to see you
and we would be forced to look at each other
but you never came.

now the rain is pouring and I feel as through
we were chalk on a side walk,
ancient history when the drops touch the ground

H.

26.

NAPOWRIMO post number 7

Making it Mine

I'm done worrying about you
about your thoughts your side remarks
I'm taking this weather and making it mine
I will wear what I want say what I want and do,
WHAT I WANT

Those dresses I kept collecting in the closet
will this year see the light of day
frilly and pink, glittery and green
I'm taking this weather and making it mine

Some complain about the sudden heat
the sweat drips from their forehead
I drip along too but wear a smile on my face
the fabric swishes as I walk head held high,
I'm Taking this weather and making it mine.

25.

Fiction Piece Number 2.

Missed Connections

Katie rolled over covering her eyes with a pillow as the sun shone across her face, why had she decided to put her bed under the window anyways. Downstairs she could hear the dog barking, most likely at someone walking outside. She opened one eye to look at her alarm clock, 10:20 am, class started at 10. She got out of bed with as much energy as she could muster grabbed the first pair of jeans she could find and her favorite old tee shirt, the one with the coffee stain on the left sleeve, slipping her feet into a pair of flip flops as she gathered her hair into a pony tail “why do I always manage to sleep through my alarm” she wondered.
She ran down the two flights of stairs to the kitchen hoping there was something she could eat while she drove. She looked through the cabinets and found nothing, “guess coffee will have to do” she said to the empty room. She reached up to grab a travel cup and then her eyes fell on the black and silver coffee maker…. Empty not a drop had been left for her, “thanks mom and dad”. She grabbed her keys and headed out the door.
Key in the ignition her phone beeps, “class started, where are you?” it was Eddie, the nerdy freshmen that always sat next to her in class. Her phone beeped again, “Hope you’re coming, I saved you a seat” wow, this kid just doesn’t know when to give up.

“Please don’t tell me you’re texting Katie,” Chris looked over to see his roommate furiously typing out some undoubtedly grammatically correct text to his crush. “Ed man I told you, she’s never going to like you, especially if you keep annoying her like this.”
“I’m just letting her know that I’ve saved her a seat, and besides how can you say that, she gave me her number didn’t she?”
“Yeah, so you could text her the answers to last week’s test, trust me man, a girl like that could never like a guy like you.”
“Whatever” Eddie dropped his phone into his bag and took out an extra sheet of paper, now copying two sets of notes.
“Please do not take notes for this girl! You’re wasting your time,”
“Just leave me alone ok, we can’t all be Mr. Cool like you Chris.”

Chris sat back in his chair, yeah, cool like him. Too bad he wasn’t cool at least not to Steph, the one person on this campus he would do anything to have notice him. Before transferring here Chris was just like Eddie, a nerd, he spent his weekends playing video games and writing fan fiction for whatever sci-fi trend was hot at that time. He wore jeans from K mart and tee shirts with video game characters on them, and he wasn’t wearing them ironically. When he transferred he decided to remake himself, become a cool guy one that went to parties and drank beer and maybe even talked to girls, however when he moved in he was met with a replica of himself only a foot shorter and with curly blonde hair, Eddie. They got along fine as roommates, but Eddie was constantly bringing Chris down, yelling at him not to forget their video game marathons in crowded hall ways or following him to parties, Eddie was like a permanent cock block and Chris couldn’t get rid of, and he just didn’t have the heart to be mean to Eddie.
Chris looked two seats over to where Steph sat, her brown hair had purple streaks in it, last week it had been green. She was into art and bands that no one cared about until they were overly famous, which then of course caused her to hate them. She smoked Cigarettes and wore clothes that always looked slept in. She was always going to concerts and meeting crazy musicians, last week Chris had managed to talk to her for a few minutes after class, it was sheer bliss she had even offered him a cigarette and when he refused she simply said, “That’s cool” it was great until Eddie had showed up and dragged Chris away saying that he shouldn’t hang around people that smoke, “second hand smoke can still cause cancer blah blah blah.”
Steph looked up from her ratty notebook and saw Chris staring at her; he didn’t look away fast enough, great now she thinks I’m a creep, maybe if I wave at her? Great, I waved and she looked away I’ll never get her now.

Steph sat in her desk furiously scribbling away trying to piece together her weekend. Her mom warned her that living like this would lead to destruction, why moms always have to be right. The flow chart she was creating in bright green ink was making her sick, concert Friday night, coke in the bathroom with that chick from that band…. Or was she with the bartender…. Then onto the bus to interview the drummer from Sin Sin Sin….then a bottle of tequillia and…. Black out. Saturday she had woken up at her sisters, who didn’t look all too pleased to have her 20 year old sibling passed out on her couch sleeping off a hangover. Then Saturday night, she remembered playing pool with some guys she had met that afternoon in the city, they went to a BYOB place and she could remember drinking something that had made her insides burn and then waking up in bed with the guy with the green shoes Chad? Chaz? Chuck? Fuck, if only she could remember what had happened.
Steph turned to stare out the window and saw Chris staring at her, why did she have to be so messed up, why she couldn’t be a nice girl and date a nice guy like Chris. Too bad he would never want her, not with a past filled with weekends like this and Monday mornings spent trying to figure out if she’d need to get tested again or not. Just then the door slammed open and Katie walked in and sat down.

Eddie had saved her a seat and it was perfect, right behind Paul, so close she could smell the faint scent of hair gel and laundry detergent. “Thanks” she mouthed to Eddie before opening her bag and digging out her notebook. She opened it to a new page,
“Here, I started taking notes for you” Eddie handed her a sheet filled with his shitty chicken scratch.
“Uh thanks, you didn’t have to.” Eddie sheepishly shrugged his shoulders in reply, whatever, that kid was so weird sometimes. Now, back to Paul. Katie looked at her notes from the class before she had started sketching his chiseled features in the margin. She stared at the image imagining what it would be like to kiss those perfectly pouted lips that now sat above one of the three holes on her notebook paper. She heard a cough and looked back up to the front of the room and almost screamed; Paul was turned in his desk, staring straight at her.

If I just turn around and ask that late girl if she has a pencil would it be really weird? I mean why did I wait a half hour since the start of class to ask someone for a pencil, ugh but I really want to turn around and see Chris. Ok, just say that you’re pen ran out of ink! That’s totally understandable.
Paul turned around to see Katie staring at a face drawn in her notebook, it almost looked like him, he cleared his throat to get her attention, while using this time to stare at the boy two seats down, “uhm do you have an extra pen, mine ran out of ink,”
Katie almost died; Paul was actually talking to her! She grabbed her bag and started riffling through it, please please let there be an extra pen somewhere,
“Here, I have an extra pen,” Chris said reaching across Eddie towards Paul, now it was Paul’s turn to swoon, he couldn’t believe that Chris was actually talking to him, let alone lending him a pen.
“Uh wow. Thanks,” wow thanks? What’s wrong with you Paul thought as he turned back around, the guy you’ve been obsessing over for the past two weeks lends you a pen and all you can say is wow thanks! I can’t believe I’m even obsessing over some one, I haven’t even told anyone I’m gay yet and here I am fantasizing over a guy that just lent me a pencil, what’s wrong with me. But he does have the most amazing green eyes, I need to talk to him again I always see him with that kid that sits next to him. I don’t even know if Chris is gay I mean he could be… but then again anyone could be, he’s just so gorgeous I have to talk to him.
Maybe I could write a note to give to him after class, or maybe forget to give him back the pen and then have to run into him later, or stop by his room tonight….

Chris looked back over to where Steph was sitting she looked like she was working really hard on something, I wonder If she’d have coffee with me or something, I mean we did talk last week , maybe I should write her a note….

“Hey, Katie I’m glad you made it to class what happened?”
“I over slept….” Katie didn’t mean to be short with Eddie it’s just that how could she be expected to keep up a conversation with him when Paul had just spoken directly to her!
“Class is dismissed, and Miss Gellar, don’t think I didn’t notice you slip in late…” Professor Tuttle was saying at the front of the room, all around people were packing up and trying to race one another to the door Chris felt a hand on his arm,
“Hey, thanks for the pen,”
“Sure no problem,” He took the pen and raced out the door hoping to catch Steph.
“Katie since we got out of class early would you want to come to my room to see my newest video game, the graphics is so advanced it’s like you’re in the game,”
“Uh no thanks Eddie,” Katie mumbled as she ran out the door trying to catch Paul. As she rounded the corner out of the classroom however her wish was granted, she ran smack into Paul’s back.
“Uh sorry, hey since we got out of class early and all would you maybe want to get a smoothie or something?”
“Huh oh uh no.” Paul was trying to watch Chris talk to that weird girl that always had different colored streaks in her hair, was he asking her out?
“…So uh yeah since we got out go class early I was wondering if maybe I could uhm get you uh a cup of coffee or something,” Was Chris actually asking her out, Steph was so happy she could cry, this can’t really be happening.
“hey Chris, what are we going to do now,” Eddie appeared at Chris’ side as always totally killing any chance he could have ever had with Steph now.
“I don’t know Eddie...”
“Hey, why don’t you join us, Chris was going to buy me a cup of coffee, weren’t you?” did Steph really want to spend time with him and his dorky roommate Chris reached down and pinched his leg, he had to be dreaming.

Paul followed Chris to the little coffee shop off campus, he was pretty sure that he was on a date with that girl, but his roommate was there, the nerdy kid from class as he was walking he heard a voice from a few feet behind,
“Hey, Paul right?” it was the girl that had asked him to get a smoothie… Katie?
“Yeah, Katie right, hey, listen sorry I forgot I had some free time want to get a cup of coffee?” Paul asked using Katie as a cover to spy on Chris.
Katie was too shocked to actually speak; Paul had just asked her on a date! She wanted to spin in circles and scream
“Yeah sure, coffee would be cool” she responded trying to keep her emotions in check.

Steph, Chris and Eddie walked to the coffee shop in an awkward silence, well semi silence, Chris and Steph were silent, Eddie was going on about some video game or TV show or something Steph wasn’t really listening all that mattered was that Chris was voluntarily spending time with her!
The bells on top of the door chimed as they walked in the tiny coffee shop, it was packed but there was a table free in the back, “I’ll go save that table, I like iced coffee with lots of sugar,” she said to Chris trying her hardest to keep her cool. The bells chimed again as Paul and Katie walked in a few second behind them. Steph sat at the large table and though to herself that this was odd, since of course it was kind of clear at least to her that Paul was not interested in girls.
“Katie, you made it,” Eddie practically shouted in her direction,
“Uh yeah,”
“You should sit with us, what do you think Chris”
“Uh why not, that table seems big enough,”
“Oh well thanks, but see I’m here with Paul,”
“So you can both sit with us, there aren’t any other tables anyway,” Chris wanted to smack his roommate couldn’t he see this girl was clearly on a date with this guy. Paul wanted to squeal like a girl, his plan was working out much better than he thought; he was actually being invited to sit with Chris!
They ordered their drinks and made their way back to the table, where they sat in silence. None of them really knew one another at all. Eddie was firing questions rapidly at the collected group, things about television and movies and news stories, no one was really interested in what he was laying on the table; however under the table was a whole nother story. Katie rested her foot against what she assumed was Paul’s loafer wearing shoe while in reality he was searching out Chris’s sneaker clad foot. Steph had rested her hand on Chris’s Knee.
Eddie was gesturing wildly when he knocked over a cup of coffee causing Steph to jump up from the table. While she was in the girl’s room trying to get Hot chocolate out of her shirt Chris noticed that the same foot was still resting against his. He looked under the table and saw Paul’s foot next to his own.
“Uh dude, I think you got the wrong the wrong foot.”
Katie looked under the table and noticed that she had been resting her foot against the table leg, and indeed Paul and Chris had been in an intense game of footsie while they had all sat in awkward silence.

“I’m sorry it’s just that… I just thought that you…I thought you knew it was my foot.”
“Uhm what, listen, why would I be interested in playing footsie with a guy…oh my god you’re gay aren’t you!” The last part of Chris’ sentence came out as a yell. Paul was so embarrassed he wanted to die. Katie was in shock, if Paul was gay why had he asked her out to coffee?
Paul grabbed his stuff and trying to stay cool exited the coffee house, there was no way he could stay there now. The first time he actually is able to reveal who he is, and it blows up in his face, “of course Chris was straight, he never gave any hints that he wasn’t I was just so desperate for him to be available for me.”
Steph returned to the table still blotting at her clothes, “Where did that Paul kid go?” uh he had to leave Chris said trying to keep the poor guys dignity somewhat intact. As they returned to their weird excuse for conversation Katie noticed a very aggressive foot practically attacking her own. She acted like she was reaching for her purse and looked under the table, it was Eddie of course it was him.

“look Eddie, you’re a nice guy and all, but I’m really not interested in you, and it’s getting a little creepy with all your texts and saving me seats and taking notes for me, I’m sorry but just can you please knock it off.” Katie looked at the blonde haired boy, he looked as if he was about to cry at any second.
“But, you gave me your phone number…”
“So you could text me answers,”
“You sit next to me…”
“No, YOU sit next to ME”
“You came here! After I invited you you came and you’re sitting with me”
“Listen Eddie I only came here to be with Paul, clearly that didn’t work out but you had nothing to do with me coming here I’m sorry.” Eddie gathered his things and ran from coffee shop not trying to keep his cool or anything once the door slammed Katie winced. “I didn’t mean to upset him; I just can’t deal with that kind of stuff I had to set him straight.”
“Yeah, cool” Chris replied now clearly distracted.
“So steph, why the purple hair, what happened to the green?”
“Huh oh, I duno,” she was too busy to give the other girl a real answer; she couldn’t believe she was practically alone with Chris!
“Uhm, I guess I’ll leave you two alone then…” and with that Katie grabbed her stuff and headed for the door wondering how this day had gone from shitty to bizarre.
At the table Steph and Christ were finally left alone. She wanted to tell him everything about how she could never remember her weekends and how she likes to stare at him in class but nothing seemed to fit in this moment, just being here, sitting together everything was fitting together perfectly.
Chris was beyond joyous; Steph and himself were not sitting alone at the coffee shop. He had no clue what to say to her he wanted to tell her that he thought he was in love with her, but he knew that that was too over the top instead he decided to try to break the ice,
“So, have you ever seen so much drama before noon?”

H.

24.

NAPOWRIMO post number 6!

Employed against my will
in the factory of ideas
The work is simple, the hours long
my happiness drained.
my eternity here has made my muscles weak,
smiling is no longer possible.
with a steady hand I shift and shift lining them up.
tear them down start from scratch
thrown all around littering the floor
like bodies after a storm.

I feel no pain for these victims since I am their prisoner

H.

23.

NAPOWRIMO post number 5

chaotic classroom.
Here I go again, pen to paper with no thought to mind.
scribbling letters in stupidity isn't this divine.
my lids heavy feeling the effects of last nights unrest,
if I could sleep that would be best. around me so much
noise, but not a word is being spoken their silent
screaming is so loud. I think my ears have broken.

H.

22.

NAPOWRIMO post number 4

Dear Gods and Goddesses of NAPOWRIMO please forgive me. It seems as though post 21 was actually posted on Friday, not Saturday though I swear it was after 12 when I wrote that. And due to homework I have just now logged on to post my Sunday Poem though the evil clock is telling me it is technically already Monday, but I swear at the end of the month I will have posted 30 poems in 30 days and I hope that is good enough even with these two small timing errors :-( . So here it is, poem number 4.

the sweet nectar of the caffeinated generation dances across my lips
as we sit in the growing darkness,

the passing cars play like a Juke box, constantly changing tunes pass us as we sit solitary.

around us the world is fluid a never ending movement of color, lights and sound but here we stay content to let tonight's caliginosity consume us.

we speak of memories, aspirations and acquaintances,
laughter rings between words and gulps of our respective brown libation.

finally the chill sets in and our fingers numb as they clutch our cups
forcing us to part ways till we return to this holy temple of caffeine and conversation

H.

21.

NAPOWRIMO post number 3.

this is post 21 to this blog which is my favorite number :-)

Tonight you smiled.

I had forgotten the sound of your laughter.
the look of your face with lips reaching towards your ears
as you spoke with a light that the sun would envy,
you were luminous.

the fire danced across your face and smoke swirled,
the orange glow made you look warm again.
no longer were you the grey a sullen creature,
I wanted to laugh with you, I wanted to cry for you.

You never left me, though we had been apart
you're recent returns were melancholic.
you were broken, dismantled missing some vital piece,
but now you seemed whole again.

you had returned, I didn't know how much I missed you.

H.

20.

NAOWRIMO Post number 2 - Haiku

Today there was sun
Tonight we will drink sweet wine
Tomorrow will hurt

H.

19.

NAPOWRIMO Post 1

I hate you all in your hand holding mockery
as I hide from him in my screen of grey smoke
I too once loved the callouses and warmth of our hands entwined

but not now

The sunshine warms and brings smiles to their lips
I purse mine in a slow steady exhale

I want to scream to yell and cry but no good could come of such whines
where is my spring this year locked away in a box of memories
will a smile dance upon these puckered lips again?
will springs sun feel warm again I hope it will,

but not now

18.

NAPOWRIMO!

Tomorrow is the first day of April, and with that comes not only April showers,(though I hope not with the amount of rain we've gotten recently) but also National Poetry Writing Month, which I have decided to participate in. So everyday for the next month I will be posting a poem here, they might not always be amazing, actually some may down right suck, but I'm doing this! So here goes nothing!

-H

17.

Work shop A

revised for work shopping.

An eight hour shift was one long television commercial to her. she was interested in things after work and before, but this in between was mind numbing. If only she could hit fast forward. 20 minuets till freedom the tic tic tic of the clock on the wall spoke his name to her, him him him. That's what she wanted most, to rush home to him.
As soon as she smelled the ink on her time card she was filled with a new burst of energy, she ran through the automatic doors coat flying behind her in the autumn chill. She didn’t stop till she reached the top of the cement stairs, they always looked so menacing, anything and anyone could be waiting at their finish. She swiped her metro card and was set on more agonizing waiting but she saw through the darkness, F, express.
The ride home was unbearable, strangers on the train bumping her, touching her didn’t they know this skin was reserved for his touch no one Else's. finally the grimy silver doors slide open and she was free of all the unwanted contact she stopped at the corner mart, "is this all" the tall bearded man with the accent spoke. she looked down at the counter; coffee, Cosmo and condoms, "yes." All she needed, tonight.
The walk up to their fourth floor ramshackle palace was silent only her breath to keep her company. footsteps echoed following her even now in the cramped hall. balancing the coffee and magazine in one hand she knocked their secret knock on the peeling paint of apartment 421, no answer. She grabbed for the knob it didn’t twist. She stared at the door begging it for answers, pleading for it to tell her a lie, he has to be home, he's in the shower, or taking a nap.... but she knew deep down none of this was true, he wasn't home.
Her bags hit the dusty wooden floor with a surprisingly loud bang, she tried to kneel down to dig for her keys in the rubble of her purse but lost her balance spilling coffee all over the magazine, rendering both completely useless to her now. finally her finger felt a stab of cold metal and she extracted her cluttered collection of baubles and keys. the key slammed into the lock with a violent force, a twist and she was in. with a thunderous clash she dropped the keys onto the table by the door, her bags next to the table. As a last attempt she calls his name. Silence.
She walks through the carnivorous space with the lights off the darkness hiding her embarrassment from the walls. Even in absence he made her feel foolish. In the dark she peeled off her days clothes, something she had hoped he would do, and crawled into the familiar warmth of her favorite sweatshirt, now filled with holes and stains, reserved only for times like this.
She cooked their favorite dinner, the meal they shared that first night, two years ago. She cooked enough for both of them still holding onto that small sliver of hope that he'll come bursting in the door and salvage this night.
dinner eaten, dishes washed, dvr set, she climbed into bed alone and attempted to fight off the oncoming slumber, pleading with her eyes to stay open until he came home.
She lost, and faced the world of truth deep in her subconscious. “ You know where he is, you know who he’s with. You give him chance after chance and each time are met with disappointment.” The voice of her dream speaks the truth, she knows exactly where he would be this late into the night.
All this started when he graduated and got a job, working in a field they both hopped to work in together. He was enamoured with his coworkers, and a blonde clone of herself, only younger. She was intelligent, well spoken and loved to listen to his stories. They were the same woman side from hair color. With the new fall semester, classes changed while he was working she was sleeping when she was in class he was sleeping they saw less and less of one another… and eventually she found more and more items around the apartment that wasn’t hers.
There were lies and fights and he always made her out to be the bad guy shaming her for blaming his coworker and accusing him of infidelity. He claimed the hair tie on the couch was hers, the scent of channel on his shirt from an elderly client that simply wore too much. She wanted to believe him, to keep their lives content so she went along with his lies.
The he started coming home late, smelling of booze they drank, but not like this. He claimed it was the guys from work and that she didn’t understand since she was still in school. “You have to go out with the guys after work otherwise you’re a bad sport” he’d tell her. She wanted to be supportive, she let him go.
She would stop by for lunches to be told he was out, “He’s having lunch with his girlfriend.” She knew, he didn’t know. Tonight was the last chance. She told herself she needed to get out, but her heart wasn’t behind her mind with this one, they set tonight as a test. She was so hopeful that she’d come up the stairs to the smells of cooking and the door left opened. He had failed.
The door creaked open and a shadowed figure appeared, framed by the yellow glow of the kitchen light. her eyes, still blinded with sleep strain to identify the figure though she knew who it was. the figure spoke, a whispered scream of urgency, "it's me." two small words, they hung in the air memories sticking to them weighing them down, sinking them into her chest. he stepped into the room bare feet stumbling towards the bed. "you've been drinking," she mumbled as he turned his back. "please just listen to me," his weight caused the bed to shift like the ocean during a storm. they were silent for a moment, his breathing was labored.
"I'm sorry"
"I know"
"I didn't want it to end like this way"
"it's too late now, save your words for her"
he winced as the words stabbed.
"I knew you would hurt me, I was foolish to sit around and wait."
"no, it isn't like that"
"it's exactly like that. don't you see, this is how you are,”
He wiped tears from his eyes she was not surprised, he thought he could still win, but he screwed up on his last chance. That night he slept on the couch and that morning he was gone. Days later though she was still not clear how, anything belonging to him was removed and a key was eventually left on the center on the pock marked coffee table.



She knew that the first time she saw him afterwards it would hurt, but this was the worst pain she had ever encountered in all her 23 years. As she rounded the corner into the coffee shop she heard laughter, looking up she saw them. It hadn’t even been two months and yet there they were in HER coffee shop holding hands and laughing at jokes only they would understand.
She wanted to run away but her feet stayed still as if she’d stepped on one of those glue traps he used to set in the apartment when they heard mice in the walls. She stood there staring, willing her eyes to look away and her stomach not to empty its self on the muddy brown welcome mat. The barista turned a smiled at her, “morning, the ususal?” this of course called attention to her and they both turned and saw her standing there frozen. She tried to respond, a faint nod was all she could muster.
“well we have to get going, “ he spoke to no one in particular, the shop was empty aside from her and the barista now busy steaming her milk. As they walked past her and out the door he didn’t even try to aknowldege her, he knew he was wrong. As the door slammed shut she inhaled deeply, his scent still lingered now mixing with coffee and doughnuts.
Finally snapping out of her frozen state she approached the counter to pay for her drink. As she reached into her purple bag she felt a hand on her arm. “I got this one,” she looked up into a pair of young grey eyes. “thanks” she mumbled trying to place him, she knew him, but how.
“I’m Chris” he said, “ I used to see you in here all the time with that guy and by the looks of things this morning things can’t be going to great.”
“uh yeah, thanks uh thanks for the coffee” and with that she stumbled back towards the door and out into the biting city winds. Was she just hit on in the same coffee spot she stops in daily, and for that matter had she really just seen him with her where he knew she’d be, what was going on.

16.

nothing academic to blog right now, the post from yesterday is what's due tomorrow...today.... Wednesday. The weather has been so nice I wore my beloved flip flops today for the first time since October the fwack fwacking sound was my lovely brown footwear!

H.

15.

a new venture into the world of writing fiction. The following is the first few pages or so of a piece of fiction I've been playing around with for a while the characters do not have names and I don't think I will give them any.


An eight hour shift was one long television commercial to her. she was interested in things after work and before, but this in between was mind numbing. If only she could hit fast forward. 20 minuets till freedom the tic tic tic of the clock on the wall spoke his name to hear, him him him. That's what she wanted most, to rush home to him.

The ride home was unbearable, strangers on the train bumping her, touching her don't they know this skin is reserved for his touch no one Else's. finally the grimy silver doors slide open and she is free of all the unwanted contact she stops at the corner mart.


"is this all" the tall bearded man with the accent speaks. she looks down at the counter; coffee, Cosmo and condoms, "yes." All she needs, tonight's three C's

The walk up to their fourth floor ramshackle palace is silent only her breath to keep her company. foot steps echo following her even now in the cramped hall. balancing the coffee and magazine in one hand she knocks their secret knock on the peeling paint of apartment 421. no answer. she grabs for the knob it doesn't twist. she stared at the door begging it for answers, pleading for it to tell her a lie, he has to be home, he's in the shower, or taking a nap.... but she knew deep down none of this was true, he wasn't home.

her bags hit the dusty wooden floor with a surprisingly loud bang, she tried to kneel down to dig for her keys in the rubble of her purse but lost her balance spilling coffee all over the magazine, rendering both completely useless to her now. finally her finger felt a stab of cold metal and she extracted her cluttered collection of baubles and keys. the key slammed into the lock with a violent force, a twist and she was in. with a thunderous clash she dropped the keys onto the table by the door, her bags next to the table. As a last attempt she calls his name. Silence.

She walks through the carnivorous space with the lights off the darkness hiding her embarrassment from the walls. she was foolish to expect him home. in the dark she peels off her days clothes, something she had hoped he would do, and crawls into the familiar warmth of her favorite sweatshirt, now filled with holes and stains, reserved only for times like this.

she cooks the meal they had planned together, their favorite, she cooks enough for both of them still holding onto that small sliver of hope that he'll come bursting in the door and salvage this night.

dinner eaten, dishes washed, dvr set, three D's she climbs into bed alone and drifts to sleep, she is no longer pretending, she knows exactly where he would be this late into the night.

The door creaked open and a shadowed figure appeared, framed by the yellow glow of the kitchen light. her eyes, still blinded with sleep strain to identify the figure though she knows who it is. the figure speaks, a whispered scream of urgency, "it's me." two small words, they hung in the air memories sticking to them weighing them down, sinking them into her chest. he stepped into the room bare feet stumbling towards the bed. "you've been drinking," she mumbled as he turned his back. "please just listen to me," his weight causes the bed to shift like the ocean during a storm, and a storm is exactly what they were facing. they were silent for a moment, his breathing was labored.
"I'm sorry"
"I know"
"I didn't want it to end like this way"
"it's too late now, save your words for her"
he winced as the words stabbed.
"I knew you would hurt me, I was foolish to sit around and wait."
"no, it isn't like that"
"it's exactly like that. don't you see,this is how you are, you refuse to let people into your life, you play your games, string people along, and the moment things start getting real, you self destruct.">



The story needs a lot of work, but that's what I've gotten so far. Potential title is three things, which would be woven through the story as things progressed.
I hope you enjoyed reading this.

H.

14.

Sentences and some what-not.

Though the first day of class I came with the sentence, "And in that moment I swear we were infinite" from the book Perks of Being a Wallflower, I want to post it again as inspiration. Things can inspire you more then once so I believe this is valid!(and that was slightly sarcastic). I had a wonderful weekend complete with the rare Saturday off from work, and took advantage of such freedom. so here is my sentence inspired from my weekend, and the above mentioned sentence.


The sun warmed our legs as we sat sipping and smiling in the city streets.



also a non class related blogging moment.
I realized this weekend that the ever so cheesey sitcoms of my childhood often times are reality. In Saved by the Bell the college years, the main characters all wind up at the same college, I always thought that was so unrealistic I mean who goes to college with almost ALL their high school friends.... apparently the answer is me.
myself and 5 of my closest friends applied to different colleges, and less than two years after graduation we all wound up right here together at William Paterson. I guess 90's sitcoms really do come true.

H.

13.

Moving forward from poetry to fiction...

five subjects or ideas I want to write about/I need to write about

1. Fights, I like to write fights between couples that usually have a resolution of a positive message.

2.Friendships and how they develop

3.struggling to make a name for yourself in a certain world.

4.family structure and what defines a family that doesn't fit a typical mold

5.opposing cultural outlooks or backgrounds of two people that are somehow forced into interacting with one another


5 stories I've told this past week

1. told a coworker about shoveling the snow

2.discussing post graduation plans with a friend

3.making plans to see a new movie with a friend

4.talking about going on vacation with friends

5. telling my boss I need almost two weeks off to go on spring break


H.

12.

I'm still a little fuzzy believe it or not on what constitutes a prose poem, but from what I could figure out via google and such I believe that an example of a prose poem would be Allen Ginsberg's Howl which is a personal favorite of mine.

http://www.poets.org/poet.php/prmPID/8

and a Link to the poem its self....
http://sprayberry.tripod.com/poems/howl.txt

H.

11.

Some slight confusion on what we were supposed to be posting today since the prose poem is due Monday.... but for now here is some of a poem I have been working on for a while now...

There they sit the three could be's
puffing the fumes of all their lost dreams.
crushing their hopes in glass ashtrays
drowning their dreams in cheap chardonay.
the moan of their woes muted by screams from the TV.

They can't see what they have where they are
or what's passing. their blinded with jealousy
of what others have and not them.
pouring again gray smokey ribbons unwind filling
their sight leaving them blind.

... I've been working on that for quite some time and each revision stays loaded with cliches.

H.

10.

Sentence Monday!

Here is my sentence for this Monday's class.

And as he marched away a single tear retreated from her hazel eyes.


I was always taught that a sentence CAN NOT start with the word and, but in college I have learned that it can, if you know what you're doing, I'm not positive if I got it right, but that sentence is playing on repeat in my head from another piece I've been working on and I thought I would share it here and see if anyone responded to it.

-H.

9.

it's snowing.... still boo snow!!!
that is all, thank you and goodnight!

-H

8.

class was already canceled for this past Wed. however the snow closing school that day and delaying classes on Thursday gave me a much needed 6 day weekend. During this time of course I worked diligently on all my upcoming assignments.... actually I watched a lot of bad TV and movies and saved all my assignments to do at the last min. This week we were supposed to write a form poem. I chose to write a sonnet and am aware that Sonnets are usually about some you admire or long for or a philosophy or something you believe in. I decided to write my poem on my room. I figured I want to see how far I can take the theme of my bedroom after the ode about my door. I find it interesting when other people take an unusual object or place and apply it to many things unrelated to that subject so here it is, my Sonnet about my bedroom.



Dwelling.

Dirty and dusty my room’s quite a site
Clothes strewn about making piles to the sky
I should clean up that’s what’s right
But leaving this mess is not bad I won’t die

Bed in the corner desk by the wall
The slanted walls painted both purple and white
Mountains of books look like they’re ‘bout to fall
As the sun goes down this room loses light

A big giant square at the top of my home
Filled with photos and memories of places
My room in the attic is a place no one will roam
Comfort is found in the images of smiling faces

So leave me and my messy room up here
This is my space and I hold this mess very dear.


H.

7.

To be more "green" last week it was decided that weekly sentences would be posted by way of the all powerful blog!

This weekend was so uninspiring and boring and I feel like whatever I write for this sentence post will not even be close to my best. With valentines day looming on the horizon ( I love that phrase ) I feel like attempting at using that for a theme for my sentence.


Without saying a word we both know we're on the same page.



H.

6.

A favorite Poet of mine has always been Ms. Dorothy Parker. Her works were usually short and dark but yet used words in a beautiful way. She had a way of making death sound like a sweet dream, and loneliness sound like an afternoon stroll. My favorite Poem is Resumé.
below is a link to a biography of her, and a collection of her work.

http://www.poemhunter.com/dorothy-parker/poems/page-1/

-H.

5.

Just leaving a fast link here while it's on my mind.
I think my favorite sentence from the previous post is the last one,
Halfway is a long way to go, and I wanted to leave a link to the song that inspired that one.
The video is from a concert last Monday called
Rated RSO: The Music and Lyrics of Ryan Scott Oliver. He is a composer and Lyricist and the winner of many prestigious awards in the theater community which is a huge interest of mine. If this video makes anyone reading and/or viewing upset or uncomfortable I am sorry, but I'm not forcing you to view so there!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28sOGvid_Yc


H.

4.

So maybe I won't be writing here daily, I think weekly may be a better goal.

This week we discussed sentences specifically short sentences and also Odes such as the ones written by Pablo Neruda. We wrote our own Odes and here is mine;

Ode To My Bedroom Door.


Majestic white solider

standing guard to my sanctuary.

Your golden knob gleams in the mornings first light.

your solid frame pierced with hooks of brass

hold my possesions as if they were yours.

a knock upon your face like a slap alerts me to reality

but with you standing between, avoidance is upheld.

your hinges wail cries of protest as you're asualted by society

ultimately, you are no match to the world,

and you swing open with such grace.

now you stay open, swinging to a tune no one else can hear,

till it is time for you to take your stance once again as .

You slam shut with a shout, a yell, a bang.

Silencing, protecting, strong.

And since tomorrow or rather now is Monday here are some Monday Sentences.

The clicking keys were no substitute to ink smudges and crumpled paper.

Together they were one, apart not even two halves.

Halfway is a long way to go .

H.