NAPOWRIMO post 10
Tonight was awful
never before have I felt the loss of you so much.
In a mass panic of anxiousness I wanted to call you,
to hear your voice and laugh, to listen to you say anything
but I didn't.
nights like this I would rush home and then rush again to your side,
nothing was hard to handle when I had you behind me.
As I reached for my phone swimming in a haze of memories I slam back into reality
I was falling with no net, I needed to speak to you,
but I couldn't.
the frustration built I was depressed, hysterical, in a panic
how dare you be absent when I need you most.
Then I remember it was I that enforced this silence,
pissed at myself. Once again I reached for my phone, finger hovering over the one
little button that would release the dam that collected all the silence,
all I had to do was push send
but I can't.
H.
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ReplyDeleteI'm lost, what is NAPOWRIMO? And are you still writing poems, which will be connected in to one large poem at the end? I feel like you read something like this in class too. There was one story about waiting for a lover who eventually comes and the one waiting is completely head-over-heels for him(her). It is unnatural I think to push reality aside and idolize someone who has many of the same faults everyone has to conquer or deal with over a period. I haven't said anything to make you feel remunerated, so I will. The end with the phone call reminds me of my own troubles in being assertive; placing phone calls is always my Achilles' heal in the way that I over think it. I am sure many people have this problem and it is nice for you to commiserate.
ReplyDeleteNAPOWRIMO = national Poetry Writing Month... I tend to be a huge fan of abbreviations.
ReplyDeleteAs for connecting them, I don't know if that would work with all of them, a few of them maybe.
Many of the poems may seem like they are about a relationship or love but this one actually was written because I had an unfortunate falling out with a very close friend.