Some slight confusion on what we were supposed to be posting today since the prose poem is due Monday.... but for now here is some of a poem I have been working on for a while now...
There they sit the three could be's
puffing the fumes of all their lost dreams.
crushing their hopes in glass ashtrays
drowning their dreams in cheap chardonay.
the moan of their woes muted by screams from the TV.
They can't see what they have where they are
or what's passing. their blinded with jealousy
of what others have and not them.
pouring again gray smokey ribbons unwind filling
their sight leaving them blind.
... I've been working on that for quite some time and each revision stays loaded with cliches.
H.
Love the idea of the three could-bes. Second stanza needs to be specific about one of them--what does he or she have, and what is he or she losing? A bike? A brownstone? Get specific and you won't have room for the cliches.
ReplyDeleteALSO. The assignment is to post a prose poem by someone like Baudelaire or Gertrude Stein or their followers, and have a link to it, too. Please do it!
i also love how this starts. the three could-bes. that's awesome. maybe change the verbs 'crush' and 'drown' to less evxpected words or ones that are not so often associated with dreams and hopes. That might help get rid of some cliches. keep at it. this poem def has potential. I would love to read your next draft of it.
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